10 / A glimpse into my writing wounds.

On re-committing myself to dreams that have been crushed, forgotten about and put on hold.

I’ll Start on Monday is a free, weekly newsletter that lands in your inbox every, you guessed it, Monday. We explore creativity and curiosity, plus you get access to resources for your own mini project to work on over seven days! If you like what I do, you can also buy me a coffee to help support my work. It is greatly appreciated. *virtual hugs*

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Soooooo, I do realise it’s Tuesday and the newsletter was meant to be in your inbox YESTERDAY. Look, fans, I am sorry. I am still getting my head around having a job (albeit a few days a week lol) and having my routine totally changed up.

Excuses aside, here we are ready to rumble!

This is the second last newsletter for the year as I am going to take a few weeks off to plan and organise myself for 2021. Next week’s newsletter is going to be a roundup of all the lessons I have learnt this year and a little bit of housekeeping in regards to what you, the fans, would love to see in the newsletter moving forward.

Having this platform to connect and share with you all has truly been such an anchor for me this year. Whilst studying with Honey in The Temple (learn more about this online mentorship) I realised that my dreams of being a writer had slowly dwindled when I didn’t get accepted into a Bachelor of Creative Writing at RMIT after graduating from high school back in 2012. I felt so sure, so confident, that I would get in. I am a fabulous writer, one of the best in my year level - I’ve got this one in the bag! I remember one of my pieces being about meeting God at the door between Earth and Heaven and upon opening the door, I learnt that God was indeed a woman. Wow! I thought. This is going to blow RMIT’s mind!

Well. I didn’t get into RMIT and ended up being accepted into a Bachelor of Arts at Monash (which some may argue doesn’t make sense but who am I to judge lol), where the Creative Writing course was quite frankly terrible. The head of the Writing Faculty had just published her latest book and so of course, each lecture and tutorial was more of a marketing push that it was a lesson in the art of writing.

I spent three, grueling years there, chopping between part time and full time study with no real end goal in sight. I went through a phase of “trying new things” with no thought or reason behind doing so, other than to just give it a shot. If it were a hobby I was trying, that would be a great approach. But when you’re studying at one of the best universities in the world whilst burying yourself in astronomical debt, perhaps blindly enrolling in a philosophy unit (having never done philosophy in my life) may not be the best idea. (I also attempted French because oui oui I had done ballet for 15 years I know French! I tried International Studies, a unit of typography, Behavioural Science - I mean the list goes on!)

Although my high school was notable, we weren’t encouraged to actively go after our dreams. It was more of a “just meet the requirements” approach, which was one that didn’t quite sit with my desire to be highly successful. Being an overachiever somehow was painted as a negative trait, especially if you were pursuing anything in the humanities or creative department. Boys at school would laugh at my art class, made up of five girls who were fierce, driven and looking to push the boundaries in their work. I often questioned the hierarchy of subjects at high school, not quite understanding how one subject could truly be measured against another. Our careers counsellor talked me about of pursuing Fine Arts or Drama at university, and pushed me towards a Bachelor of Arts because “there is no guarantee that you’ll really make it in a creative industry anyway.” A line that has been imprinted in my mind ever since that conversation, one that I assume left a mark in the mind of many other students who had the pleasure of being “counselled” by her. (I suppose in choosing a BA in CREATIVE Writing I felt like I was half taking her advice, half trying to follow my dreams? I see now how I was so worried to just go after what I really wanted and I must admit to this day, I still regret not pursuing Fine Arts BUT ANYWAY I DIGRESS)

I still wonder if schools chose to value the individual strengths and flairs of their students, that we might indeed produce a cohort of young people who feel supported in and compelled to go after what they really want, without worrying if they’re too smart or not smart at all.

I ended up deferring my course after my dad died, and was low key felt thrilled that I finally had an excuse to get out of there. I do look back and wish I had the courage to just put things on hold until I figured out some idea of the path I wanted to take, but, as teenager you don’t have a clue what you want, let alone how to express yourself when you do. The older I get (at 26 lol) the more I realise the divine gift of time. Time allows us to grow, to discover, to try new things. It allows us the opportunity to look back and reflect on what’s working and what isn’t. I understand now that timing is everything, and the path I am on is the right one, for me.

I have recently re enrolled to go back and finish my course, but this time I am doing it the way I want to. A different university, studying primarily online and chipping away at it as I please. I can’t wait to learn new things - to be inspired and excited about writing again in an academic setting.

This newsletter has become a place for me to heal old wounds and recommit myself to my dreams. I never really understood how dreams could be anything more than winning an Oscar or a Man Booker Prize, but I clearly see now that they cannot be measured. Each person who makes up this planet is able to dictate what it is they want to achieve in their time here on Earth, no matter how big or small their desires may seem.

I am so excited to see where this newsletter will take me in 2021 and I truly thank you all for joining me along the way so far. See you next week for the last newsletter of 2020! ADIOS!

RESOURCES

1. This is the best pancake recipe in my opinion. Photo of mine below!

2. ANOTHER FOOD REC. You have to make this!!

3. I am excited to see the new year in with this container - and only $108AUD - bargain!

MOMENTS OF JOY

1. Here is a photo of the pancakes and just look at that fluff. So airy! So light! SO. FLUFFY.

2. More food related things. I had lunch with a girlfriend, Brittany, at one of my fave local spots. It’s a hidden gem and the courtyard out the back feels like you have been transported to Italy!

PROJECT

I would love to know what you guys want to see more of in the projects! They take me a long time to come up with and put together, so I want to make sure they are the best they can be for you so that you feel like you’re getting the most out of them. Please hit reply to this or leave a comment below with any suggestions or thoughts! I always love to hear what you guys think, and what you’re wanting to see more of.