#12 Finding the will to execute basic tasks (like writing this newsletter).
On burnout, errand paralysis and attempting to keep it all together.
I’ll Start on Monday is a free, weekly newsletter that lands in your inbox every, you guessed it, Monday. We explore creativity, curiosity and whatever else it may be that pops into that cute little brain of mine. If you like what I do, feel free to buy me a coffee. If you DON’T like what I do, feel free to buy me five coffees.
Hi.
You probably don’t remember me, but my name is Nicole and I apparently wrote a weekly newsletter that was birthed in lockdown of 2020 (along with many other newsletters and babies). (I didn’t have a baby dw)
I remember saying something about taking a break over the summer and somehow that turned into a month, which turned into a few more, which turned into six months and now we are here. There has been a lot of changes in my life since then, and to be quite honest with you, there was simply no urge within me to even sit down in front of my laptop and just stare at a blank page, let alone write a single sentence on said blank page.
Today’s newsletter isn’t going to be profound or very well-thought-out but I knew if I didn’t just open my laptop and start typing, I would have found a million other excuses as to why I couldn’t write an edition of the newsletter and probably would have never written one again.
I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to keep momentum going. As soon as I stop something, I really stop for good. The “older” I get (lol) the more I seem to lose the will to live a well-rounded, exciting, inspiring and driven life. The thought of finishing my university degree is so overwhelming, that I simply just don’t do it. Claiming back all of my psychologist session rebates? I don’t think so. Calling the energy provider of my old place to cancel their services? Not me. Invoicing the person I was assisting for a few months? I am sorry but I can’t do it.
This dooms-like, dreaded feeling is something experienced by many millenials; often referred to as errand paralysis. Errand paralysis has caused me quite a lot of strife over the years. For example, a number of years ago I racked up thousands of dollars in fines for travelling on tolls with an expired e-tag, simply because I could not find the will to change my bank account details with Linkt and didn’t realise that four beeps meant my e-tag had expired. (I just thought it was excited to be on a toll, no?) I truly still haven’t cancelled the energy provider from my last place, and because I haven’t found the desire to pay the outstanding bills the company have conveniently switched off the service, meaning I (hopefully) don’t have to go through the agony of calling them up and having to have the cancellation talk!
I KNOW. I know it sounds ridiculous - I really do. Even as I sit here typing this out I think, get a grip Nikki and pull yourself together. How hard is it? How hard can it really be?
Well, there is this fabulous thing going around called burnout, and I for one suffered burnout on and off from around 2018-2020. I know 2020 for many caused a lot of serious problems and was potentially one of the worst years of people’s lives, but for me, being forced to rest and do nothing was the 365 day recovery I never knew I needed. As life has opened back up though, I have noticed that all of the habits I developed last year have somehow been thrown out the window, never to be seen again.
Suddenly, I am working six days a week, studying part time, starting a small business, working shoots after my 9-5, auditioning on my lunch break and trying to work out/meditate/walk/read/eat/journal/keep a clean house/breathe etc.
Okay I literally just read that back and it made me feel stressed out just reading it. I don’t understand why I cannot say NO to working a day in retail still, declining auditions that aren’t worth my time, saying no to having a coffee with someone I met once through a friend of a friends friend or trying to push myself to do three units of uni when I can barely keep up with one. You may be thinking, why the incessant need to prove to everyone that we can do it all and do it with ease? Why are we obsessed with glorifying being busy?
I wonder if, it’s not that being busy in and of itself is necessarily the problem, but that we are trying to do too many things that we really don’t want to be doing. As opposed to focusing on say, work and uni, we end up trying to cram in as many things as we can into our week, resulting in spreading ourselves so thin it becomes impossible to give even 10% of yourself to a task. We don’t value our time enough to make ourselves set boundaries and utter out loud the glorious word that is NO.
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO”
Now, aside from me having problems with setting boundaries, not knowing how to say no, not valuing my time, experiencing burnout and errand paralysis and not knowing how to prioritize my needs (are you sure you still want to be friends with me?), the other BONUS round in this game is suffering from PERFECTIONISM!! WOOHOO!!
If you are like me, you obsess over everything being PERFECT, which means the thought of simply starting anything is deemed impossible without having some Type A style plan of execution ready to go before you can start anything, ever. I held off writing this newsletter partly due to not having the motivation/will to go on, but partly due to worrying about the FORMAT and the MINI PROJECT and the RESOURCES and all those extra parts in the newsletter that guess what, I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR!
I challenge you to go back to what you learnt from last year in lockdown and see how many of those habits have slowly faded away since we have gone back to some sort of normal routine (I mean really, what even is “normal” - I am writing this as we are in yet another lockdown here in Melbourne). But I know you know what I am talking about - we are six months into 2021 and it’s a nice old time to sit down with your cute old self and have a look at what you can start saying NO to so that you can say YES to the things you really want to do.
So, from now on, I am going to attempt to just open up my laptop and start writing, and whatever happens to blurt out onto the page that week is the newsletter you are going to get in your inbox. Hey, maybe you will get lucky one week, and I will include a VLOG in the newsletter, but for now you are just getting whatever it is that my brain can conjure up. I am also going to attempt to say NO more and see how it feels. Maybe I will even think about sending off my invoices or paying my energy bills?
ALRIGHT TIME FOR THE CALL TO ACTION:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feed my ego and write loads of encouraging comments down below so that I can feel loved, appreciated and missed - THANK YOU IN ADVANCE AND THANK YOU IF YOU GOT ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS NEWSLETTER.
LOVE AND HUGS XXX
RESOURCES (because I love you)
If you were like “wow I have errand paralysis” then you need to read this article.
This article spoke to me. I now call restaurants and ask for their EARLIEST booking available. I am talking what is the absolute earliest I can be there. 5pm? BOOKED.
This is a long essay and I am yet to read it, but highly recommend that you do too.
Phenomenal, sharp but so, so casually relatable.
I had no idea that 'errand paralysis' was a thing, I thought you had coined the phrase! Can relate to and am very much a part of this generation. Fantastic and relatable newsletter.